Don’t Smoke Weed If Your Life Sucks - Cristela Alonzo

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Cristela Alonzo explains why you shouldn’t smoke weed if your life sucks and discusses how many men she’s slept with.
Original airdate: June 7, 2013
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  • Her response to the guy yelling "liar" was lightning fast.

    SaintチョウゲンボウSaintチョウゲンボウՕր առաջ
  • Fast forward. I like that. Until now I've been calling blackout drinking "time travelling."

    Turbo the CatTurbo the Cat18 օր առաջ
  • I think she should try singing

    Ouss JaouhardOuss Jaouhard19 օր առաջ
  • You aint white?

    patrice francqpatrice francqԱմիս առաջ
  • Funny

    robert desmaraisrobert desmaraisԱմիս առաջ
  • I needed a good laugh and she definitely made me crack up!!

    Maha333 GMaha333 GԱմիս առաջ
  • this was fucking funny, thanks yt algorithm

    Val M.Val M.Ամիս առաջ
  • Thats 1 of the best advices only smoke if ur life doesnt suck

    Jean GarciaJean GarciaԱմիս առաջ
  • She killed it!

    Char BunnyChar BunnyԱմիս առաջ
  • Calling out stoners everywhere lol

    steveoconnivosteveoconnivoԱմիս առաջ
  • I laughed so hard at this while eating popeyes high that I choked on my chicken. thank you.

    Elaine LElaine LԱմիս առաջ
  • I am a gymnast and when I was young I had the walk the line a couple times. I learned quickly the first time DON'T DO A CARTWHEEL on the line. It gives you away.

    Storm NascaStorm NascaԱմիս առաջ
  • I literally laughed so much she is so funny, and weed helped me through tough times, id rather only be high ☺️😌

    xHxneyOppzxHxneyOppzԱմիս առաջ
  • We gotta get her hip to crossfading, you don’t have to pick one🥳

    EntertainerValentinaEntertainerValentinaԱմիս առաջ
    • Crossfading is where it’s at 🔥

      David BlackDavid Black25 օր առաջ
  • She reminds me of gabriel iglesias idk why

    Prosise DemitriusProsise DemitriusԱմիս առաջ
  • I LOVE the gymnast walking the straight line. And the slow mo! This is so smart and funny. She is so smart and funny.

    E K DaufinE K DaufinԱմիս առաջ
  • Don’t smoke weed if your life sucks, cause you’ll gain a 100 pounds like Cristela and your life will suck worse. Oof

    Eldeo SoulEldeo SoulԱմիս առաջ
    • You really thought you did something

      Macho TacoMacho TacoԱմիս առաջ
  • Neither weed or alcohol help me... sucks either way 🤷🏼‍♀️

    ivankaseljankaivankaseljankaԱմիս առաջ
    • @Nicole Owens thank you for this answer, I really appreciate it 🙏 thanks for taking the time, and for the advice. I have managed recently to put myself together, a bit, I don't even know how, it just happened. But, yes, trying out things is important, when done in a right way, I am sure it can help. 💕

      ivankaseljankaivankaseljankaԱմիս առաջ
    • Try stronger psychedelics than weed lol. It's life-changing. I can't say you won't still think your life sucks, but at least you'll see the world differently. I was pretty suicidal my entire life until I tried acid the first time. I've used them carefully for a few years, with meditation, and I'm a different person. You might also wanna check that you don't have any problems with your thyroid or adrenal glands. Stress can mess up all your body functions and major organs, including and especially mental health. A healthy diet with lots of raw foods, and adequate sleep, exercise, and fresh air. Just to give a few suggestions, if you really think the world sucks, I used to too and it was really shitty. If you think the world sucks there's no reason to have motivation, to be the best you you can be, so it's worth a shot if you don't want to feel at the end of your life that it was wasted. When you're out of the fog you'll see what I mean, you lived under a cloud and you didn't have to. Anyway, just these things changed my life and a lot of other people's, I try to share when I can. I wish you luck, hope things get better for you soon!

      Nicole OwensNicole OwensԱմիս առաջ
  • 💨💨💨

    Weed Song Weed MusicWeed Song Weed MusicԱմիս առաջ
  • Meh

    Michael WMichael WԱմիս առաջ
    • @Jonathan Belling she isn't funny.

      Michael WMichael WԱմիս առաջ
    • I thought I was the only one....

      Jonathan BellingJonathan BellingԱմիս առաջ
  • I would watch a couple hours of her telling jokes!

    Robo MamaRobo MamaԱմիս առաջ
  • I guess she's not one of "those" girls, huh... that's what we were supposed to pick up on.

    ThisisAThisisAԱմիս առաջ
    • i disliked that bit tbh

      i like chimchim nuggetsi like chimchim nuggetsԱմիս առաջ
  • the day after Halloween is my birthday

  • She’s like the female fluffy, and that’s the ultimate compliment because he’s one of the best comics today 👍

    liligmanliligmanԱմիս առաջ
    • @E K Daufin I still love Fluffy’s voices and sound effects though! The 2 just have a similar style

      liligmanliligmanԱմիս առաջ
    • She’s better. At least in this sample no weight stigma yet still plays on the inequity.

      E K DaufinE K DaufinԱմիս առաջ
    • Meh, fluffy ist way better. His energy alone is awesome, plus his jokes are mostly clean.

      MaedrusMaedrusԱմիս առաջ
  • My life sucks and when i drink by myself i end up sobbing, weed for me

    shopkeepshopkeepԱմիս առաջ
  • Yo best Female comic alive..the brown lady is killing the white girls who always talking about their periods and ect. Feminists..hating on guys ect. This chick the type to commentate the superbowl party

    Gabriel GuttierrezGabriel GuttierrezԱմիս առաջ
    • Gabriel Guttierrez, love you buddy ❤️ & here's me talking about *my* periods 😂 Day 1 ......... Day 2 ...................................................... Day 3 ...... Day 4 ... Day 5 ...

      msGviousmsGvious29 օր առաջ
  • 🤣🤣🤣

    Pale AmigoPale AmigoԱմիս առաջ
  • You are hilarious! Love this one!

    Vivian BenckVivian BenckԱմիս առաջ
  • smoke regardless ^_^;

    Captain SanchezCaptain SanchezԱմիս առաջ
  • I hitt that fast forward button every Friday my cheat days are Thursday

    Paz Since81Paz Since81Ամիս առաջ
  • Smoking weed unemployed during a pandemic was rough, but I felt better by the end of the night

    Zeacorzeppelin10Zeacorzeppelin10Ամիս առաջ
    • Getting high when you’re unemployed is a sign that it might not be recreational anymore... it is now an irrational addiction.

      Ime AunjieIme AunjieԱմիս առաջ
    • that’s how it goes bro. You feel better at the end of the night because the only thing you’re supposed to do at that point is go to sleep. You take comfort in that. But during the day, when everyone’s supposed to be moving and working it gets rough again.

      George BettyGeorge BettyԱմիս առաջ
    • It doesn’t get better homie

      Zachary HowieZachary HowieԱմիս առաջ
  • Slept w/ 3 lmfao I love her

    xxcarriexxcarrieԱմիս առաջ
  • She's real good!!

    Eliot GardnerEliot GardnerԱմիս առաջ
  • Oh yeah, drinking jokes take me back! I kind of remember my 20s. (This is good!!)

    Smith KennedySmith KennedyԱմիս առաջ
  • Next fluffy ?😭😆

    James RodgersJames RodgersԱմիս առաջ
    • Man, I love Fluffy too 😂😂😂

      Walter Tx.Walter Tx.Ամիս առաջ
  • As a white guy who's dated alot of woc, I can say, accurate as hell

    Gnar n' RAW steeze\\m//Gnar n' RAW steeze\\m//Ամիս առաջ
  • Weed makes my days go by faster

    diablodiabloԱմիս առաջ
    • Slows my day up.. 😂

      Walter Tx.Walter Tx.Ամիս առաջ
  • Shes awesome

    Capri BolanosCapri BolanosԱմիս առաջ
  • She is great

    Marvin HacutinaMarvin HacutinaԱմիս առաջ
  • She’s like a cool aunt

    MaxwellMaxwellԱմիս առաջ
    • @Scott Cason Hey idk if I would go that far, but you do you bro

      MaxwellMaxwellԱմիս առաջ
    • a hot cool aunt.

      Scott CasonScott CasonԱմիս առաջ
  • she's good.

    SKPjoe CoursegoldSKPjoe CoursegoldԱմիս առաջ
  • Yes , yes , and yes she funny , more please .

    Dominique ParnellDominique ParnellԱմիս առաջ
  • I smoke ... she is Comic genius

    Diary Of A SneakerheadDiary Of A SneakerheadԱմիս առաջ
  • Home girl looks like she’s a smooth 4’5” of Hilarity.

    Anderson AshAnderson AshԱմիս առաջ
    • @UndergroundSalmon 281 yess girl I got ur 6

      surenitty boylesurenitty boyle19 օր առաջ
    • Listen we’re small they cant stop us all

      UndergroundSalmon 281UndergroundSalmon 28120 օր առաջ
    • @UndergroundSalmon 281 yes that it is tho lmfao

      surenitty boylesurenitty boyle20 օր առաջ
    • 4’9 club ayyye

      UndergroundSalmon 281UndergroundSalmon 28122 օր առաջ
    • @Anderson Ash LMFAO im 4,6 and im not getting any taller and sorry to break it to you only short people have secret society's

      surenitty boylesurenitty boyleԱմիս առաջ
  • She’s hilarious 😂 is the

    Keekhan HerreraKeekhan HerreraԱմիս առաջ
  • ❤️😀👏

    Tom ArchibaldTom ArchibaldԱմիս առաջ
  • One makes you cough. The other one destroys your liver and makes you wake up with Fat chick like this one here.

    Beast 8293Beast 8293Ամիս առաջ
  • So true... Life's good = weed Life's suck = drink

    Milan Garis KerasMilan Garis KerasԱմիս առաջ
    • Truth lol

      shelly Kessashelly Kessa22 օր առաջ
  • You're amazing!

    Jared KnappJared KnappԱմիս առաջ
  • I haven’t actually laughed in a while, this was funny. I needed that. Lmao

    CD MPCD MPԱմիս առաջ
    • Go watch Nikki Glazer then...

      MrOneyeMrOneyeԱմիս առաջ
    • Yeah me too man 😂

      Walter Tx.Walter Tx.Ամիս առաջ
  • Puro malinchismo.

    Splenius CervicisSplenius CervicisԱմիս առաջ
    • I wouldnt say that. Its an appropriate reaction to the racial bias in our culture, which is deplorable. She is creating humor and entertainment from a frustrating reality.

      Jared KnappJared KnappԱմիս առաջ
  • Lol it’s true! I was a dancer growing up and anytime I e had a sobriety test I walk just fine in heels lol

    ModernGoddessModernGoddessԱմիս առաջ
    • @Shaky‘s Channel LOL

      THRTHRԱմիս առաջ
    • That's cool as hell😎 🍻

      Amanda PhillipsAmanda PhillipsԱմիս առաջ
    • Anytime? Sheesh how many times have you gotten pulled over for a sobriety test?😅🤣

      Shaky‘s ChannelShaky‘s ChannelԱմիս առաջ
  • Love it

    Cris BCris BԱմիս առաջ
  • I actually like this a lot

    ReversedReversedԱմիս առաջ
  • Naaaaaaaaa, my life sucked during the quarantine. Weed helped ALOT😁😁 smoke up everybody 💯💯

    Black DynamiteBlack DynamiteԱմիս առաջ
    • @Taylor Yeah, I understand. There are pros, cons, and exceptions to it. To clarify, I was just highlighting a common situation I see where people allow a substance to take control of their lives rather than use that substance to better it.

      STANSTANԱմիս առաջ
    • @Black Dynamite I hear you, man

      STANSTANԱմիս առաջ
    • @STAN It makes me feel human enough to function. I can’t work rn due to health issues anyway, so Im toking up so I can actually eat, and not waste away bedridden in pain.

      TaylorTaylorԱմիս առաջ
    • @STAN Bruh, we get all that. I'm just talking about during quarantine. I had trouble coping with America burning all year my bad

      Black DynamiteBlack DynamiteԱմիս առաջ
    • The problem is, unless you're naturally very driven, weed will only make you feel good for a moment, even masking the feeling-like-a-loser. It'll make you feel good with the loser state you're in without doing anything about it. That's it...thus, promoting complacency.

      STANSTANԱմիս առաջ
  • So True 😂

    JerzeyRebel 47JerzeyRebel 47Ամիս առաջ
  • I forgot about her she's pretty good

    Matthew LedermanMatthew LedermanԱմիս առաջ
  • This isn't funny

    rope ropesmanrope ropesmanԱմիս առաջ
    • @Liz eat a d liz

      rope ropesmanrope ropesmanԱմիս առաջ
    • @D4md Cykey im shooting them doe

      rope ropesmanrope ropesmanԱմիս առաջ
    • Yeah I don't think it is either 😖

      Walter Tx.Walter Tx.Ամիս առաջ
    • You’re not funny.

      LizLizԱմիս առաջ
    • She is terrible

      LearnPortuguese,by TeresaLearnPortuguese,by TeresaԱմիս առաջ
  • Proving women still have to try so hard to be funny. Imagine going an entire routine without mentioning your Vagina getting aired out.

    GGPGGPԱմիս առաջ
  • bill burr alec baldwin head bit came to mind watching this lol

    bob bibbob bibԱմիս առաջ
  • Rate the sneakers

    lifeoflewis 2002lifeoflewis 2002Ամիս առաջ

      Abdallah MassoudAbdallah MassoudԱմիս առաջ
  • If this comment gets enough likes I’ll change it to something funny

    ComradeComradeԱմիս առաջ
  • Sup comedy central

    The Chill CornerThe Chill CornerԱմիս առաջ
  • Good night sweet dreams take care Friends ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

    Decent PandatDecent PandatԱմիս առաջ
    • Good morning 🌄🌻

      Walter Tx.Walter Tx.Ամիս առաջ
  • Damn...first lol

    Zombie SlayerZombie SlayerԱմիս առաջ
    • 36th

      lifeoflewis 2002lifeoflewis 2002Ամիս առաջ